Friday, February 06, 2009

Ray probably saved my life.

I had seen enough killing and dying before returning home. Ray had never been to Southeast Asia but he was a hospital corpsman at Balboa Naval Hospital. He tended the wounded. In his trauma ward, wounded seems inadequate. Some Marines lost legs and/or arms in combat. Some experienced skin-melting burns. Many felt continuous teeth-gritting pain. Ray tended them all without complaint.

However, my unscarred body only contained a wounded spirit. Thirteen months of killing and loss leeched my sanity.

Ray, this young lifesaving lad, accepted me without reservations. Oh, he obviously had his own problems but we laughed together. Moments with Ray eased my spirits. His enthusiastic embrace of life kept me from killing myself.

I slipped into years of drug abuse and degradation.

Ray served the Navy for four years. Then he became a civilian employee of the Navy department for more than a decade. Like most of us, he had periods of unemployment but he also worked as a civilian on a Navy contract, taught school and managed computer networks.

When my life could not get any worse, I lived in a veterans' mental ward for six and a half months. Hospital reports gave me little hope but "the system" continued to give me help. Eventually, my life became bearable. Today my lifestyle gives me joy and provides returns for my community.

For Ray, years of tending the wounded and dying caused bouts of depression. Since he never served in combat, "the system" would not help him.

One year ago, Ray shot himself. At first, I shed many tears for our loss. Now, my pain continues to diminish but oh, how I miss my lifesaving friend, Ray.

Friday, January 30, 2009

Thank you, Bedford, Pennsylvania!

On my way to see a very sick friend, I discovered the joy of relief. First, I needed to feel fear while wrecking my car. Then, I felt relief.

I owe my first thanks to Cathy and Todd at the car dealer. Cathy’s bright smile and cheerful optimism encouraged me. Todd even took me to a motel.

At first i felt stranded and disoriented but soon resigned myself to a three-week wait for parts in a motel room.

Within a couple of days, Cathy and Todd arranged for me to have a car so that I might drive to Warren, Ohio to see my friend Randy. When I returned, they even gave me the car for another day to shop and do my laundry!

At the laundromat, James chatted with me and even stayed for a while after he was done with his laundry. Perhaps he sensed my cabin fever. I do not know but thank you, James.

Still, my attitude was not good but I now had a great opportunity to write without any great distractions so I began to write…when I wasn’t feeling sorry for myself…which was often. I decided to discipline my moods with simple behaviors like making my bed, shaving and walking..

I owe my second thanks to the folks at Sheetz, chiefly Linda, Brenda and Ryan. All three make wonderful Americanos, despite the tepid water normally available. Linda gave me many encouraging words and smiles. Thank you!.

Bedford, Pennsylvania is a three-mile walk from the motel. However, I only walked about a mile before someone stopped and gave me a ride. Although I have forgotten his name, thank you.

The river, dam and ducks returned me to a bit of oneness with nature. The time-transcending buildings gave me a sense of community.

At HeBrews, Rika chatted with me and shared her faith. After my first talk with her, I felt bad because her eyes glazed a bit before I quit talking about my writing. She never mentioned the matter but remained friendly on every visit, even thanking me!

The friendly staff at the library helped me so that I could type and print letters.

Now, I have my car thanks again to Todd and Cathy and, of course, the unknown repair folks. Although this blog is choppy, my other writing flows so I have a couple more days to gain more gratitude to Bedford, Pennsylvania!

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

The Sower (2/3) Lost Seed

Birdseed?

Some seed fell on a path and was eaten by birds.

According to the translators, the Gospels use different names but all three writers see the birds as Satan. By the way, you might notice that I prefer Mark’s use of the name Satan because we know of Satan in the Old Testament—before other cultures influenced Hebrew beliefs. However, only Matthew helps us see that Satan gains power when we do not understand the word.

Amy appeared to be upset with me. Even though I have great experience, I know that my mind reading lacks accuracy. So I asked her, “Are you irritated with me because I’m deaf?”

“No,” she replied, “I’m upset because you don’t wear your hearing aids.”

I wonder, "Could misunderstanding really cause us difficulty?" :)

Rooted on Rock

A few lively rockbound sprouts appeared, only to wither in the sun because they lacked root.

Like the Gospel writers, we may readily agree that the seed on stony ground represents those new followers who lack the root to remain. However, the Gospels do not tell us what the root represents.

Personally, I suspect that the root represents the wisdom of the Torah. The first commandment and the golden rule distill that wisdom, according to both Jesus and Hillel. More will be revealed about the lack of root in a future post.

Throttled by Thorns

Thorns grew to choke the tender plants so tightly that they could not bear fruit.

The three writers agreed that cares and riches keep some of us from being fruitful. However, Luke went a bit further and said that when some “choked by cares and riches and pleasures of this life…go forth… [they] bring no fruit to perfection.”

I wonder, “What cares? The morning paper? The evening news? The judgments of my favorite political commentator?

As for riches, I live on a cul-de-sac. Solomon, with all his wealth, could not go 60 miles per hour or enjoy 70-degree comfort when the heat of the day reaches 100 degrees. I just might be choked with riches.

As for pleasures of this world, I occupy much of my time with viewing television, eating too much and cruising the internet. How do activities like scuba diving and snow machining fit as “pleasures of this life?” Indeed, the pleasures of this life just might diminish my opportunities to be fruitful.

I shudder in fear while walking in faith. Still, I wonder, “How fruitful am I? In fact, what does it mean to be fruitful?”

Next: A Flourishing Field

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

...thy will be done on Earth...

In my not-so-humble opinion, Mark 4:13 gives us a starting point when praying for, and seeking, God’s will.

According to that verse, Jesus said that we must understand the parable of the sower to understand the other parables. Without the teachings of Jesus, how can we comprehend the prophecies of Revelation or even the letters of Paul?

The Parable of the Sower
Matthew 13:1-23, Mark 4:1-20, Luke 8:1-15

Jesus shared a few brief sentences, less than 100 words of vivid vignettes. “Listen! Look! He said. Did the audience listen and look through their minds’ eyes? Can we imagine the scenes today?

A sower seeded a field. We read no more of the sower. However, birds devoured wayside seeds. A few lively rockbound sprouts appeared, only to be scorched in the sun because they lacked root. Thorns grew to choke tender plants so tightly that they could not bear fruit.

Can any listener avoid sadness at the loss of seed and labor?

Suddenly, our moods must change as we “see” the bigger picture. The fruit-laden field flourished. The sower lost comparatively few seed. The small labor resulted in 30, 60 and 100 times growth!

Oh, we could simply learn to labor without fear of failure and we would have learned a great deal.

However, the word tells us so much more. Hopefully we will gain enough to do more than simply pray …thy will be done on Earth…

The Seed

Mark wrote that the seed is simply the word. Without the other Gospels, we might wonder, “What word?” We hear many words today. Mindless media drivel shapes our lives and fuels our fears in common directions. Personal faith and growth allow us to blossom. However, personal fears and resentments often limit our growth.

Matthew reported that the seed is “the word of the kingdom” and Luke, “the word of God.” The word kingdom alienates some and confuses others, including me. Perhaps you are simply comforted to believe Jesus to be ruler of the kingdom. However, like Luke, I choose to see the seed as the word of God.

And what is the word of God? At this moment, I choose to continue with the teachings of Jesus unless those teachings lead me elsewhere.

Tomorrow: wayward seed, rooted on rock and thorns.